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Royalty and Ratchetness (Part 3)
I always dreamed of living in a castle. Big queen energy. No lifting a finger. As a kid, my imagination was on overdrive. I pictured myself spoiled, surrounded by luxury, never lacking anything. It was a big, pink, fluffy, pillow-like cloud of fantasies and dreams. But as I grew older, that majestic mirage slowly morphed into a fun-filled flop.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you . You must be just as delulu as me. Welcome to Part 3! You’ve survived my childhood dreams, met my five young kings, and now we’re stepping into the part where things aren’t always what they seem. What do I mean? Keep reading…
As a kid, no one could convince me that I couldn’t do or be anything I wanted. Tell me I wouldn’t have a castle? I’d think you were CRAZY. Maybe people thought the same about me when I shared my big, hairy, audacious goals, but if you’d asked why I dreamed so big, I’d have said, “Maybe you’re just small-minded.”
Sadly, after enough people laughed at me and called my dreams unrealistic, that big, pink, fluffy cloud shrank until it disappeared. Time to go back to the drawing board.
Okay, maybe a castle was too much. But what about a mansion? Yeah, that’s more reasonable. I watched celebrities on MTV Cribs living large, so why not me? Ashanti swore, “Dreams are real, and all you have to do is just believe” (I used to sing that with my whole soul). So there I was, walking with my head high like Kanye, “La, la, la la wait ’til I get my money right” and every time a hater tried to stomp on my dreams, I clapped back with, “Excuse me, was you saying something? Uh-uh, you can’t tell me nothing!” (Kanye, not Clone-Ye.)
But life… oh, life had its way with me. And let’s just say its way wasn’t my way (like Usher). I’ve lived just about everywhere except a castle or mansion. I’ve lived with my mom, two of my aunts, my grandma for a bit, friends, an ex-boyfriend, an ex-pastor, and now with my husband and my circus animals (clears throat)… I mean, children. You know what I meant. Those dreams of living lavish started looking more like living tragic.
Still, here’s what I’ve learned: the picture you paint as a child for your future might be a fantasy, but that doesn’t mean the dream dies. There’s always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if you keep walking. People say “chase your dreams,” but that’s the worst advice ever. If you’re chasing your dreams, that means they’re running from you. Stop chasing, start manifesting. Keep pursuing the life you want until it meets you halfway.
I may not live in a castle, but I live in a casa (close enough, right?). I may not have a mansion, but I’ve got my man and my sons (so maybe God gave me a “man-son” instead. Not the kind I was searching for, but definitely the kind I needed).
The moral of the story? CONTINUE TO WRITE IT. Write YOUR story! You are the author of your life. Pick up the pen and lay out your story. You are powerful. The only person stopping you… is you. Want the mansion? Go get it. Want the castle? Go get it. Want to take over the world? Call Pinky and the Brain! (Yeah, I just told on myself with that reference… Shoutout to the 90s babies.)
We spend too much time letting other people tell us who we are and what we’re capable of. Stop letting them speak fear and lack over your life. TAKE BACK YOUR POWER. Because really, what’s the worst that can happen?
If you’ve enjoyed this blog, don’t just sit here, there’s more to come! But for now… STOP READING. You’ve got BOSS moves to make.
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Where the Heck Did All These Kids Come From? (Part 2)
Kids. Don’t You Just Love Them?
I mean, how could you not, right?
I remember when I was young — I always had the best, most realistic baby dolls. I loved my doll children and took them everywhere with me. Isn’t it interesting how we’re unknowingly conditioned to become parents from such a young age?But that’s beside the point.
When I was little, I just knew I wanted to be a parent someday. I grew up watching all the ’90s shows like Full House, Family Matters, Married with Children, Moesha, The Simpsons, and Home Improvement — and parenting looked so fun.By 12, I was babysitting for my mom and her friends while they went out. They paid me good money, and even though I loved the cash, I genuinely adored kids.
Why am I telling you all this?
Shhh. Be patient. I’m painting a picture here.
I Always Knew I’d Be a Mother… But I Was in for a Surprise
Ever since I can remember, I dreamed of having two kids — preferably a girl and a boy.
In my early adult years, my goddaughter Sasha was with me so much that people thought she was mine. I was in a relationship where we both wanted children, but after 2½ years and no pregnancy, I assumed I was unable to conceive.
I was wrong.
Meeting My Husband & Baby #1
At 21, I went to a party with my on-again, off-again boyfriend. He got so drunk he was throwing up, and I was over it. I stepped outside, and that’s when I met my husband. We talked, exchanged numbers… and the rest is history.
Four months into our relationship, I got pregnant. I was flabbergasted. Two months later, we got married — we didn’t want to bring a child into the world unmarried.
In August 2013, our first son, Darre’aun (Darre’aun is me and my husband’s name combined), was born.
He was our pride and joy. Through tough times — even homelessness — he was our light. That beautiful, infectious smile and goofiness reminded us daily how blessed we were.
Baby #2: Sleep? What’s That?
Almost two years later, we decided to have another baby.
In January 2016, Amiri (Arabic for “Prince”) was born. From the second he entered the world, his lungs were working overtime. He cried constantly. Darren and I barely slept. We took turns sleeping on an air mattress with him — night after night. We were sleep-deprived, irritable, and fighting often. We even talked about breaking up.
And then, just 3 months later…
Baby #3: Mental Breakdown Incoming
I found out I was pregnant again — and I was completely devastated. We were already on edge, Amiri was crying nonstop, and I felt like I was spiraling.
But what could I do?
In January 2017, our third son, Christian (“Follower of Christ”), was born. We braced ourselves for more screaming, but he was the calm after the storm — so quiet, so happy. God gave us a breather, and we desperately needed it.
This was enough. I had one more than I ever imagined. I was good.
But… it didn’t end there.
Baby #4: Déjà Vu with a Twist
In March 2018, Azariah (“Yahweh has helped”) arrived — and just like Amiri, he came out crying and didn’t stop. He was clingy and colicky. Once again, my patience (and sanity) was tested.
Eventually, I got all the boys in school and started reclaiming a little peace and quiet.
Until…
Baby #5: Surprise from the Heavens
One day, Jesus Himself must’ve come down and touched my womb — because I got pregnant with Ethan.
Shocking? Yes.
Devastating? Also yes.I still don’t know how it happened. I felt like the Virgin Mary — pregnant against all odds. But for the fifth time, the show had to go on.
In November 2021, Ethan (*“Strong” or “Firm” in Hebrew) made his grand entrance. The first 24 hours were bliss — he was quiet, calm… angelic even.
Then he woke up.
Clingy. Demanding. Loud.
(Spoiler alert: He still is.)
So Why Am I Telling You This?
Because life never goes according to our plan.
We can map out every detail, speak our dreams out loud, and still end up somewhere we never expected — yet perfectly placed.Growing up, I always said I wanted two kids.
Darren always said he wanted a big family.Well, it looks like God heard him louder than He heard me. 😅
And while this life isn’t for the weak, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Why is any of this important?
We, as humans, tend to believe that life is supposed to go exactly how we desire. But the truth is, our story has already been written.
We can make all the plans in the world, but if something isn’t meant to be part of our journey, it simply won’t be.
In the end, I didn’t get the quiet little life I imagined — I got a five-boy circus, a house full of yelling, laughter, and crumbs, and a husband who somehow spoke this big family into existence.
I may have dreamed of two kids, but I was chosen for five (plus one bonus), and every single one has stretched me, broken me, and rebuilt me in the most unexpected ways.
And while it’s not easy — it’s mine.
It’s messy.
It’s loud.
It’s love.So if you’re ever wondering how all these kids showed up…
Just blame Darren. I do. 😉 -
(Part 1) This Sure Doesn’t Look Like A Castle
“How I went from childhood dreams of royalty to finding purpose in real-life resilience.”
Have you ever woken up and realized that you aren’t where you thought you’d be at this BIG age? As for me, my life is entirely different than I’d ever imagined! Now, I’m not going to touch on all of this here on Blog 1 because it will never end, so I’ll break it up into parts…
Part 1: This Sure Doesn’t Look Like A Castle
“How I went from childhood dreams of royalty to finding purpose in real-life resilience.”
I remember when I stood in front of all of my kindergarten friends and said, “When I grow up I want to be a princess.” Isn’t that every little girl’s dream? To tell the honest truth, I never outgrew that dream. Then, I was blessed to be an only child, so that only added to it. I was naturally used to the princess mindset because I never had to share! Even into my adult years, I maintained this mindset. Everything belonged to me.Besides my personal fairytale, I knew that I wanted to be a poet. I have been writing poetry since the tender age of 5. I have won many awards and even went to the district a few times in my school years to compete in poetry contests. My dream was to become a traveling poet, traveling all around the world spreading pieces of my heart. As most people do, I looked at money as a factor. I listened to people tell me that there’s no money in poetry. I let my BIG DREAM be attacked and then eventually dissolved by small-minded people. On a good note, I am a published author of two poetry books. One is called Heaven’s Soundtracks, and the other is called Hell’s Lyrics. I will link them below.
Besides the obvious, there was always a desire in me to help people. I wasn’t yet sure in what capacity. Shoot– I’m still learning how to help myself sometimes. Navigating life after going through a deep, dark depression is CRAZY (but that’s a blog for another time). But, one thing I was for sure about is that there’s a need in this world. People are losing their minds. They are stressed, depressed, overworked, and underpaid. Kids are seeking attention wherever they can get it. They feel like they don’t have the support they need and no one to talk to. Now I’m not saying that I am perfect, nor am I anyone’s savior, but there is a NEED, and I know that I possess the qualities to be a help in solving that need. It was from this moment, this analytical moment, that I knew that I wanted to be a therapist. But not just any therapist, a YOUTH therapist.
Currently, I am still a princess at heart. Especially since I live in a house with all men (too much testosterone, not enough estrogen). I still write poetry. I am still deciding where I want to go with it still, but it will always be one of my first loves. And of course, I am still on this therapy journey. I just graduated in May of 2025 with my AA in psychology with 5 kids, a husband, and a full-time job. I start school back this month (August), and I am NOT thrilled, but these degrees aren’t going to get themselves. And I charge for my time, so that’ll be $150! I’m just joking; a little laughter is good for the soul.
I say all of this to say, things won’t always go the way that you plan. Is it good to have a plan? YES! Will it always work out? NO! It may sometimes, but there will still be alterations. You have to remember that you only get ONE LIFE, so you have to live every day with a bit of optimism because the days are not promised. And reader, I am not going to lie to you. Right now we are living in some INSANE times. You never know what’s around the corner. So, though I am not the type of princess that I envisioned, I am the princess that God intended for me to be. This doesn’t look like a castle, but it looks like a masterpiece. It looks like a work of art that’s still being constructed. It’s good in some places, bad, and a little bit ugly, but it’s coming together. And guess what? This is only PART 1.
If this resonated with you, drop a comment below or share this with someone who’s navigating life after broken dreams. And don’t forget to subscribe so you won’t miss Part 2!
Crowned in Purpose
Real Life. Real Strength. Real Crown.
Crowned in Purpose 